I'm Out There, Man

Hey there, just a quick note to 1) show this blog still has a pulse and 2) push that damn Ham Head off the top of the screen. I have been recovering from my vacation this week. Sounds odd, I know, but I think most people understand what I mean. I have several things on the back burner that I will write about eventually, but right now I have little inclination and even less time.

That said, sometimes things just happen. Turns out I have been a spiritual traveller lately, speaking through inanimate (although cute) objects in Texas:

Please don't ask how or why such a thing would happen, because I don't know, but Steve A's "Kermit" has been channelling me or I have been possessing it as he has begun to honk when subjected to less than smooth pavement.

I guess I love smooth pavement so much that it has become a mystical force the power of which I obviously cannot properly comprehend. Also I am into honking. Upon reading of this development, I suffered an attack of WTF, wondering what Kermit possessed by Rantwick would look like:

Yikes! Combine this picture with that Ham Head and one might think this blog is becoming quite macabre in style and content... I promise to get back to non-scary nonsense in the future. In the meantime, I remain:

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

To Ham!

If you have arrived at this post because you are a lover of ham, the food, you are not alone. I love ham. My kids would live on ham sandwiches alone if we let them, so much so that I would call them "hamheads" if I hadn't once seen something like this:

I find this almost unutterably creepy, even for Halloween. Gah! I love ham despite this gruesome character, but I'm afraid that although it was entirely possible, I am not currently sitting here on a Friday night drinking beer and toasting that kind of ham.

No, I am toasting a reader of this blog named "Ham" who is the winner of the Obstructionist Art Contest. Now I wouldn't normally over-celebrate a contest winner in this way, but he emailed me, saying that if the prize of $5 in Canadian Tire money ... "(has) real cash value in it, I would suggest that it is a waste of a good beer token.

So, what I propose is that $5 should buy at least one drink, maybe two smaller ones. So, the next time you find yourself in sociable companionship with a bartender you invest the same in a drink of your choice - mine would be beer - make yourself comfortable with your companion even if they are a six foot high white rabbit - lift your glass, utter the words "To Ham" and drink deep secure in the knowledge that I have bought you the drink."

That, for those who don't recognize it, is a class act and the kind of reader this blog seems to attract in general, in my opinion. Ham left it up to me, however, to decide how to handle things. Thus, here I am, drinking To Ham and sending To Ham both, for you see I have been eager to send somebody some Canadian Tire money for a long time and will gladly drink to just about anybody you could shake a stick at let alone a nice guy like this. I've got the envelope ready. All it needs is a stamp:

The absence of Ham's full address bothers me some, but I have heard great things about Britain's postal service and I trust them to find him by asking around in London a little; if it doesn't make it at least I know the return address is listed as well. The more keen among you may have already noticed that the money displayed comes to a mere $1.40... don't rough me up, I can explain.

When Spring rolled around Mrs. Rantwick informed me that she intended to use our Canadian Tire money stash on some hanging flower baskets. Sounded good to me; I thought I had my $5 stashed separate and apart from the general Sandy McTire population. I was wrong. Imagine my shame when I decided on a winner, went to grab the money, and it was gone! Soon after, Ham's nice email arrived. So here we are. I couldn't buy a beer with $1.40 in any bar I know of, but I am drinking to Ham with the missing $3.60 as I write this. So really, Ham and I both get our wish. Besides, the last time I tried to pass Canadian Tire money at the bar really didn't go very well. It's a win-win or in this case a To Ham-To Ham!

Ham, I am hoping you'll comment on the arrival of your prize, so I know that the postal service found you. Until next time,

R A N T W I C K