Oh Man. Maybe You Shouldn't Look.

Fabric stores seem to have a knack for advertising that is awful yet intrigues me. A while ago I went on about Frabricland and their outstanding minimalist jingle, which has come to take up scarce space in my feeble brain, which I must say I resent. A fabric store ad has once again spurred me to write something here.

One thing most people (other than rappers) can sense deep in their social bones is that they should not rap. Or, even if they don't have such a sense, cautionary sitcom scenes like this abound:

Now, call me crazy, but I can't think of any business less suited to a rap jingle than a fabric store, and this one is done by a couple of fabric ladies. Brace yourself, because this is the part that may feel like a bit of an assault on your mind or tastes. You know what is coming. I will leave a bunch of spaces in this post now as an attempt to offer an "exit ramp" of sorts. If you scroll down and watch the video, you may never be the same. You have been warned.

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Well, if you're reading this, you have probably seen the video. This commercial is currently airing here in London Ontario. Scrap bookin' ? Rug Hookin' ? Oh man. I warned you. I am disturbed and fascinated by this commercial. What were they thinking? How could they? How will their children or grandchildren survive this? So many questions, starting with Why? Why? Why?

Yer Pal, R A N T W I C K

Bikes, Grips and Sexy: The New Math

Hey there! Long time no write, I know. I have worked out in every detail an invention that will produce buckets of time that I can use as I wish, but unfortunately I have not had any time to build it. Isn't that just always the way when you want to fine-tune the Universe a bit? Terrible.

So, anyway, some other creative people sent me an email recently. They wanted me to pass on their message and maybe help drum up support for their project, something called OOQI grips. Here's their email:

Hey! we dig the ride you posted on Fixed Gear Gallery!

We like sexy bikes and feel that they deserve sexy bike grips. OOQI grips are fat and sexy. A fat grip is more ergonomic and absorbs vibrations better than a regular, puny, loser grip. Also they're sexy.

We’re trying to spread the notion of do-it-yourself bike customization and getting more people riding bikes as a main mode of transit. You can support us by visiting our website (http://www.ooqi.ca) and our Kickstarter (http://www.ooqi.ca/kick).

If you dig it, please spread it.

Much love,

Eddy + Jared

I really don't mind passing on this link because who knows, these grips (or the potential of these grips, I guess) might really appeal to somebody who reads this blog. So I guess I'm spreading it despite the fact that I don't personally dig it. The whole notion of "kickstarter" campaigns is interesting to me too, because I don't know how I feel about them. I mean, I usually don't have much trouble forming opinions about things, but this time I am ambivalent.

I am not necessarily convinced that what they are really trying to do is "spread the notion of do-it-yourself bike customization and getting more people riding bikes as a main mode of transit"; I have a sneaking suspicion that what they are trying to do is make and sell bicycle grips. Every maker of everything, however, seems to need ad copy that says they're really about something else these days, so I don't really hold that against them either.

My last observation is that I have another sneaking suspicion, one that they didn't look very hard at my bike and that the fact that I posted it on fixedgeargallery.com was enough to make me part of their target consumer group. The thing is, while I do ride a fixed gear, I may well be one the least likely consumers of this style of grip they could have found.  My guess is that their target consumer would be more like this dude on their website:

I couldn't use grips like theirs on my bike. And they like sexy bikes. No offense to my fixed gear, but I think I am the only one who might find it sexy. I also have a thing for women using lawnmowers, and I would expect that the demographic for that one would be equally insignificant. I haven't done any pictorial math for a while... perhaps if you are finding my writing as confusing as I do, the following expressions will help:

Whew! I'm glad I found a way to make myself clear. I'm off to find a good therapist, you have a nice day now.


Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K